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Friendship Day special: Is your child with the right set of friends?
August 2 is Friendship Day!
Parenting can be perplexing. Every parent pats themselves on their back on having instilled good manners and ethics in their kids, and making them into beings fit enough to go out and socialise. But what happens when everything you taught your kids goes down the drain. Suddenly their behaviour is not very polite and you wonder what changed?
This is when you should take an account of the kind of people your child hangs out with. Here are signs that your child is with a wrong set of friends.
Change in behaviour: Is your otherwise well-behaved and well-mannered child showing disrespect towards you or the elders in the family? Is he being arrogant and rude to his siblings? These can be the traits that he is picking up from other children at school or the park. Remember children can find it hard to tell good behaviour from bad. Children learn a lot by imitation and they will also imitate the behaviour and actions of children they interact with, without realizing the consequences. If not checked or corrected right at the start, this could continue and lead to other behavioural problems in the future.
Falling grades: Not all back-benchers are dull, unintelligent and rebellious, so don’t discourage your child from interacting with specific groups of children. But if your child has fallen in the company of those back-benchers who possess undesirable traits that are beginning to rub off on your child, it can pose a problem. Your child may begin to experience difficulties focussing on studies like he did before, as other activities will keep vying more for his attention.
Loss of interest in activities: With bad company comes a host of bad habits too. These habits drain your child’s energy so much that he has little or no interest left for the activities he once enjoyed the most. If at all your child mingles with the kids who have bad habits, he could even get involved in activities like stealing, bullying, tearing books, teasing others etc. Because these activities are new to him, it might keep him more occupied than other hobbies that he loved in the past.
Rebellious or secretive behaviour: Despite their innocence and naivety, children do have some understanding of what is good and what isn’t expected of them. Children are in fact more attuned to their conscience, as they haven’t yet learned to silence feelings of guilt, as many adults do. This gives rise to an unusual feeling of discomfort within. Since they hardly know how to deal with such feelings of guilt and fault, they can often rebel to defend their actions or become secretive about their activities with parents, closing all channels of communication. When your child stops talking about his usual activities of the day and keeps mum, that should be warning enough that all isn’t well.
Picks up vices: Responsible parents avoid smoking or drinking around their children, so it’s unlikely for such habits to be picked up at home. Only if your child has seen you indulge in these vices can it create an interest for him. Children are naturally curious and will try to experiment with such vices if they find themselves in the company of friends who do. If you find that your child has picked up any of these vices, it should be obvious that he isn’t keeping good company. Its important to educate your child on the danger of such habits, as this will help your child to make better informed choices.
Has a new set of friends: If your child has suddenly stopped interacting with the old friends and has picked up new friends, who are known to cause trouble, there is a good chance that your child has picked up a lot of their character flaws and behavioural traits that are changing his personality altogether. In such a scenario it’s important that you intervene and get to the root of the problem soon.
What you can do?
Just doling out advice to your child about right and wrong might not help here. You will need to do a little hard work to help your child get back on track. Here’s what you can do:
Talk to your child: Be specific about the subject and make it clear that you are talking about his friends and why you disapprove of them. It is extremely important that you are tactful and not too aggressive with your approach as children are very defensive about their choice of friends and might not like adult interference. Pick out the specific traits about his friends that you dislike the most and explain why such behaviour is not acceptable and expected out of your child.
Teach good values: The importance of teaching good values from a very early age cannot be emphasized enough. A firm grasp over good values early will help your child avoid the wrong ones.
Be more patient: Remember, changing behaviour and changing friends (especially the bad ones) isn’t going to happen overnight. Be patient and try to talk and reason with your child instead of losing your temper or outright forbidding certain behaviours.
Spend ample amount of time: Usually a child falls into bad company when there is a dispute or disharmony at home, so check on the peace-quotient you share at home. A lot of emotional bonding and understanding will help your child stick to his own values and interests rather than picking on habits that are disapproved of.
Get help: If you notice that your child cannot extricate himself from the company he keeps and that it is having a detrimental effect on his character and well-being, opt for counselling to help solve the problem. You can also consult his teachers and authorities at school for advice and help.
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